THE GOD OF SECOND, FOURTH, NINTH CHANCES

This was something I intended to muse about at the beginning of the year, a sort of New Year's thing. But along with the procrastination thing other events distracted me. But it all remains pertinent.

It's been on my mind because my church has recently come through a season of great turmoil. And it's left a lot of people still holding on to resentments. Certain folks, not just in my congregation but also in other churches who have had dealings with ministries at my church, are still harping on errors and perceived slights that occured during the time leading up to the turmoil. And it's really sad. The leadership at the church went through a lot of soul-searching and trouble to address the problems that had arisen. It's been painful. But the problems are indeed being addressed.

So why can't people let go of what went before? I really don't know.

Well, that's not entirely true. I do know: emotional content sticks with us for a long, long time. We remember years later slights and wounds we have received. The pang of a hurt can still be sharp, long after we have left the events far behind.

But as Christians, we are actually called to let go of all that. When a problem has been addressed, we're called to forgive. We're called to let go, and move onward.

Yet, some people continue to harp on incidents that they resented. They have to bring up the wrong they witnessed or experienced -- or, even worse, heard about from someone else. That the person who inflicted the wrong has been chastised and removed from the community apparently means nothing to the harper. They have to continue telling anyone who will hear about the wrong the absentee committed. Where, I wonder, is the forgiveness?

There comes a time when we need to stop with the sniping and backbiting about past events. Because it does not help the healing. Quite the contrary.

This is actually a rather big deal to me, because I am frequently reminded that our God is a God who is always giving us another chance to get things right with Him. He doesn't say "Oh, you messed up on that. I can never trust you again." He lets us start fresh every day, every minute. To me, that is a tremendous thing to know. No matter how badly I mess up, He's waiting there to give me another chance to get it right.

Because of that -- and because we are called to try and become more and more like our Lord -- I can't allow myself to hold onto resentments. If God is going to give someone another chance, who am I to close the door on that possibility?

Now, I am still human. Woefully so. There are some people who I know I just can't get along with. Some people who hurt me badly. I admit that I avoid those people, because I don't feel I can ever be comfortable around them. Is that a lack of forgiveness on my part? Possibly. But I do try to refrain from bad-mouthing those who have hurt me. I try.

So it bothers me a little bit when I see fellow believers behave in this unforgiving way. What saddens me is that I can see that they don't see how unforgiving they are being. They feel that they are being righteous, that they are justified in being critical of the behavior of those who have injured them. That they are justified in saying something like "I will never trust that person again!" Even when "that person" is another believer. They are unwilling to give second chances to those who have injured them.

Now, I'm not so naive as to think that once trust has been abused, one ought not to be cautious about trusting the abuser again. One does have to be wise about that. But to refuse to even consider that things can change? That people can change? If we behave that way toward others, how can we possibly expect others to give us second chances when we repent of errors or injuries we've inflicted?

And it's not that I'm defending the wrong-doers, at least not in the sense of making excuses for their past actions. The past is the past, and none of us can change that. We can only change how we look at it, how we choose to act regarding it. But if I'm going to go through life expecting second and third chances from God, I can hardly deny others that same grace.

Some days I'd really like to make a scene when I hear a friend backbiting about a past injury. I'd really like to say "That event is in the past. The perpetrator has been punished. Steps have been taken to remedy the situation. Why can't you stop with the complaining and sniping?" But I don't. Because, I think, I fear that my passion about it all would make me a bit too agressive. It's really hard to give someone a second chance when you have them squished under your heavy combat boot.

"How many times are we called to forgive a man?" the disciples asked Jesus. "Seven times seventy" was the reply... meaning "More times than you can remember to count."

That isn't easy. But God does it all the time. We should try it more often than we do.

PERSISTENCE

I've spent the last few weeks plodding along trying to get a number of things done. Getting hooked up to DSL, getting things in order to build a full-out website, housecleaning. But a surprising (to me, at least) number of glitches and hitches and stumbling blocks have come along, frustrating me. Much as I would like to jump to, say, Point G on my list of "Things to Do", it became apparent that I could not skip over Points B and D. And then I would find that I also needed to do Points E and F.

Underneath the frustration that the side-tracking was creating for me, was the echo of a scripture verse, about persistence. I really wanted to avoid dealing with the specifics of the verse. Because sometimes, I don't really want to be a "grown up" Christian, and would rather pout and whine.

But I gave in today.

From Romans 5: 3-5 (I'm using the New American Standard translation, because that's the one I have on my desk at home.

... we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Now, in this day and age of Instant Everything, we all are losing our patience at having to plod along toward our goals. It is a common disease to all of us. But beyond that, I confess that because a goodly number of things come to me moderately easily, I am not well trained in perseverance. There are some things I will stick to, no matter what, because I really want them. But there are many things, especially when they are intermediate steps to something else, where I get frustrated that they don't move more quickly. I want this indermediate thing to be done with quickly. I want it on a silver platter, so I can spend all my "Perseverance Energy" on getting done the thing that I'm really passionate about.

For instance -- I feel that I will have a number of cool things on my website, when I get it up. I'm really looking forward to that. I really want it to happen quickly. But to get there.... since I'm going to do my own webmastering, I have to learn how to build the webpage. And the manual for my program assumes a certain familiarity with the process that I, a novice at it, do not have. Plus the internal jargon the manual uses for things. I'm spending time - a lot of time - trying to figure out what the program makers call Item X, something I would call Item B.

So, as I plod along in my persistence toward my goal, I'm internally whining about all this delaying clutter that's frustrating me. "Why do I have to persevere in this?" I ask God. "Character building", He replies in scripture. "Thank you very much, but don't I already have enough character?" "It leads to hope, and hope does not disappoint," comes the answer. Sigh.

I can't help but feel that God is laughing at me. "Stick it out. You will get there." And, in truth, I know this to be true. Part of my whining attitude right now is that it has been quite a while since I've really had to apply myself to learn something completely new. It's not that I lack the skill to learn it. I don't. But a part of me feels that it is such a bother to have to spend this time on this intermediate step. "Wave a magic wand, and give me instant knowledge!" Not going to happen, of course.

So, I'm resigning myself to the reality that I won't be getting my website up as quickly as I'd like. Because it would be better to get it right the first time (or as close to "right" as is possible), instead of constantly having to change it under my visitors.

Perseverence leads to character which leads to hope.

And those are better than instant knowledge.

Of course, being still imperfect, I'll probably still whine about all the intermediate steps I have to take along the way.