THE DOOR GOD CLOSES

Recently, an online friend lost her 4 year old son in an accident. It is a terrible thing to face. Her other children have lost a sibling. And the parents see all the dreams for that lost child crumble into dust. It's a bitter taste.

The event reminded me of another friend, who several years ago suffered a miscarriage, and then complications that ended her ability to conceive. She had many well-meaning friends who offered the possibility of adoption as a consolation (something that they did eventually do). But a "new child" is not quite the same as the "lost child". Because we are all individuals. When something unique is lost, it is gone. "Replacing" it with something else that is unique in a different way does not change the nature of the loss. And when it comes to children, that difference is magnified.

We have a hard time facing that kind of "No" from God. Even when He is not the one who "caused" the loss, He does not try to shield us from loss. When it comes to losing people in our lives, as believers we feel assured that our loved ones, as fellow believers, will be found in God's company when we reach eternity. But we grieve that we do not have them with us in the here and now. Other types of loss.... I think God wants us to keep in our minds that which is of greatest importance: our connection to Him. He is less concerned with our immediate comfort. He will console us, but He does not always give us what we want, what we think will comfort us.

I often wondered what Job thought and felt after Satan's little experiment was over. God showered blessings on Job once more, giving him a loving family again, and new riches. But those new children were not the children he'd lost.

I hadn't planned on using this blog as a place for my poetry. But the two losses mentioned above reminded me of this one. The recent loss reminded me of these lines I wrote for the older loss.


the door God shuts

knocking, knocking, knocking
a loving heart, a burning heart
knocking, eager, knocking
a wide door, a green door
green with life and promise
green with love and joy
green and solid, green and shut
natural as life, crafted as art
but shut, unmoving
shut by God's own hand

knocking, knocking, knocking
desire hot, love fierce
open, open cries the heart
knocking, anguished, knocking
open, open
still shut it stands
no key

a cry pleading
a cry beseeching
a cry desiring
but I do not want God's answer
I want no other door
I want what lies behind this one
this one, no other
I desire
I beseech
I plead

I know the voice that speaks to me
it is the tree of the wood of the door
it is the heart of all light
it calls to me, speaks to me
sings to me
it says
doors are open, many doors
doors of ceaseless promise
the sound sustains me

I cannot turn
not from this door, not yet
bitter tears, hot tears fall
each drop acknowledging a word
a small word, a hard word
No