After struggling to keep up with the things in my life, rushing around "making-do", I recently sat down in frustration. I had this little chat with God, and then went the extra step of making it a prayer request in a couple of places. I'd gotten tired of the same-old same-old in my life, of being frustrated with what I felt was a lack of forward movement in pursuing the "desires of my heart."
So, I asked God to turn my life upside down.
I knew this would probably create instances of turmoil and challenge as He went about answering that prayer. But I really was that tired of the same-old stuff.
Here's the thing: when you surrender to God that way, when you just give it up into His hands, He does NOT drag things out. Nope. Bam! You're pretty quickly having to deal with things.
And so it was. I'm not going to go into the details of the first thing He decided to turn upside down. I'll just say that it was something I was chipping away at before I made the prayer, something I fully intended to really work on. But what God did was ... well, up the stakes on it, put a deadline on it, make me face up to it in an accountability way. It made for a stressful couple of days, when I was already dealing with fatigue. But, the consequence of this instance has been good. I've still got a lot of work to do on that particular matter, and there's a "check up" deadline still in front of me. But it has been for the better, even if it has been uncomfortable.
So... I've been thinking about the request. I'm quite sure this one matter is not the end of what God might do. And it's a little scary to commit myself to this. I mean, there's no telling what He might do! I don't have control!! All I'm expected to do is do the work in front of me, remember the prayer request, and look at the challenges that now come my way as opportunities. No matter what.
I like to think that I'm not an excessive control freak. I mean, I know a few of those and some of them are even my friends. I pat myself on the back and say "Thank you, God, that I am not such as that person." (Yes, very like the man in the temple praying in a showy fashion. I can be honest.) And yet, I'm also not all that different. I do like to have control of my options, to have things go according to my plans. Oh, I learned while growing up to let go of that, to take things as they come, to follow the lead of others. But it certainly doesn't come easy to me.
So I tell myself that it takes a combination of insanity, daring and humility to just say to God "Turn my life upside down, according to Your will!"
I don't know what will come of all this. I don't even know that it will look all that different from the outside looking in. But I have discovered that it is beginning to drain off some of my frustrations - it's out of my hands now. If something, anything is going to happen, it will happen because God brought the pieces together. I'll do my work, I'll prepare myself for the things I want to do, and I'll keep my eyes open for God's actions - because the unlikely moments might be His openings for good stuff to come in, upside down.
I guess I can trust Him. He is God, after all.