THE INCURABLE OPTIMIST

The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You have annointed my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
(Psalm 23)

Years ago, when I was in graduate school, I hit a low time. I ran out of money. I had finished my course work for my Master's degree, but had not yet finished my thesis. I'd been making the rounds at the university, applying for every position I could possibly do (I had a college wardrobe, which limited the options outside that arena - "dressing for work" being even more restrictive back then). I rode the bus into campus (there was a free shuttle between the student apartments and the campus), and on the ride every day I recited the 23rd Psalm to myself. Several times a ride, in fact. Yet, nothing seemed to happen, not job came through.

I came to the conclusion that David had been an incurable optimist.

When I was growing up, Saturday mornings were house-cleaning time. One of my chores was dusting bookshelves. In one bookcase we had a number of small knick-knacks, items my parents had gathered or that had come from the household of my great-aunts. One of these items was a shell the size of a child's fist, and on it was carved the 23rd Psalm. Inevitably, as I dusted the shelf and the items on it, I would read the Psalm. So it was very ingrained in my mind.

In those days on the shuttle bus I wondered where my green pastures were, where the still waters were. Nevermind the table before me in the presence of my enemies. Goodness and mercy did not seem to be following me. They must have fallen behind on the pathway somewhere, because they didn't seem to be anywhere in sight.

I've thought about those days quite a lot in the last few months, because I seemed to be going through the same territory once more. Haven't I done this once already, Lord? Don't I already know these lessons?

There is a big difference though. That time, back then, was the first time I faced the challenge of totally relying on the Good Shepherd to watch out for me and provide for me. Before that time, while I was growing up, I relied on my parents. But in graduate school, I was "out on my own."

But God came through.

The last working day of the month, I got a call from the main library on campus, with the offer of a clerical job. I could take the orientation session on Monday and start that very day. The orientation part was rather important, because you had to take it to get into the pay schedule. And the university paid only once a month. If I had not taken it that day, at the end of that month, I wouldn't have been paid (it would have rolled over into the next period). On top of that, my younger sister visited, and she paid my immediate rent. At the very last minute (from my point of view), God stepped in and did take care of everything.

So during this time of recent trouble (which isn't really over yet, though it has been eased), I could never quite get lost in utter despair. I had seen before that the Shepherd was indeed good.

I still think David the Psalmist was an incurable optimist.

But that is the challenge of following the Lord. How boldly David declares his faith! Not only will the Shepherd watch out and provide for him, with the basic good things that keep a sheep healthy (good pasture and still water), but His protection is at hand. The rod was used to drive off the predators, while the staff with its crook was used to keep the sheep on the path, even to rescue those that had stumbled away, lifting them back to safe ground even when they'd fallen "out of reach." Those were the things that David knew from his daily work. But he declares that God does not stop there! God spreads a feast for him in front of enemies; God anoints him; God fills his cup to overflowing. Always going beyond our expectations. As with the criminal on the cross, who only asked to be remembered, God "goes overboard" -- and promises we will be at the heart of the party, celebrating right with Him.

God has filled my cup before, and what I drank from that cup ... it does not really dissolve and disappear. It's an infection that has stayed. Incurable optimism.

I'm not particularly fond of walking through the valley of the shadow of death. It is dark and grim, empty and filled with loneliness. And it does rattle me. I'm perhaps not as secure as the psalmist, for I do fear it a little bit. But I stick to the path, and trust in the Lord's rod and staff. They are a comfort, when I remember them.

I may still be waiting on that feast, on the anointing, on that overflowing cup. But I do know beyond a doubt that the goodness and lovingkindness of the Lord walk with me all the days of my life. I know where my Home is.