IMPATIENCE
Yeah. So I have this wonderful little dream about "leaving the driving to God", and I'm all happy and content to do so.
And a few days later, I'm back to the usual up and down. I want certain things to happen in my life. I've been working for them, striving for them. The desire has been placed in my heart - by God I feel. I keep submitting that desire to His will.
And yet it keeps coming back. That impulse to cry out "How long, oh Lord? How long do I wait? When will something happen?" What it's really about is "When will I get what I want?"
I live in Hollywood, and have to street park. Every night. And there are a lot of people doing the same thing. Tonight, I got home after 7:30 in the evening and circled the neighborhood looking for a parking spot. And circled. And circled. And there wasn't anything within a three block (or so) radius of my apartment building. Round and round the area for 25 minutes, getting more and more frustrated. Because the frustration would (I knew) eat into my concentration for the chores I meant to address when I did get through my door. Because it's just darn irritating to spend 25 minutes hunting for a parking spot.
Even as I circled, part of my mind was comparing the business of just finding a parking spot to the "bigger" matter of moving on with my writing ambitions. I was wanting a spot moderately near my apartment, just as I'm wanting to move onward in my writing. But the spots just weren't there. I finally resigned myself to the fact that I was going to have to park much further away from my apartment than I wanted, and I came round a corner to head that way. And just as I was passing near my building on the way there, someone pulled out of a spot across the street from the building. I made a quick turn around and got parked.
That sort of thing happens a lot to me. I want something a lot. But it's only when I let go of it, and accept that I'll probably not get what I want, God opens something up. And yet, in spite of the frequency with which this type of interaction happens, I still slide back into that impatience of wanting to get what I want now. It is very hard to leave it completely in His hands. I keep wanting to nudge Him.
Yeah. So I have this wonderful little dream about "leaving the driving to God", and I'm all happy and content to do so.
And a few days later, I'm back to the usual up and down. I want certain things to happen in my life. I've been working for them, striving for them. The desire has been placed in my heart - by God I feel. I keep submitting that desire to His will.
And yet it keeps coming back. That impulse to cry out "How long, oh Lord? How long do I wait? When will something happen?" What it's really about is "When will I get what I want?"
I live in Hollywood, and have to street park. Every night. And there are a lot of people doing the same thing. Tonight, I got home after 7:30 in the evening and circled the neighborhood looking for a parking spot. And circled. And circled. And there wasn't anything within a three block (or so) radius of my apartment building. Round and round the area for 25 minutes, getting more and more frustrated. Because the frustration would (I knew) eat into my concentration for the chores I meant to address when I did get through my door. Because it's just darn irritating to spend 25 minutes hunting for a parking spot.
Even as I circled, part of my mind was comparing the business of just finding a parking spot to the "bigger" matter of moving on with my writing ambitions. I was wanting a spot moderately near my apartment, just as I'm wanting to move onward in my writing. But the spots just weren't there. I finally resigned myself to the fact that I was going to have to park much further away from my apartment than I wanted, and I came round a corner to head that way. And just as I was passing near my building on the way there, someone pulled out of a spot across the street from the building. I made a quick turn around and got parked.
That sort of thing happens a lot to me. I want something a lot. But it's only when I let go of it, and accept that I'll probably not get what I want, God opens something up. And yet, in spite of the frequency with which this type of interaction happens, I still slide back into that impatience of wanting to get what I want now. It is very hard to leave it completely in His hands. I keep wanting to nudge Him.
posted by Sarah | 12:40 AM
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