WHAT YOU WANT MOST

I'd meant to blog about a number of things along the way during the summer and fall. But I just didn't take the time to sit down and do it. Maybe I'll get back to those ideas shortly, as I mean to get back into the habit of blogging here.

Anyway, over the last couple of years, I've become friends with James A. Owen, author of the YA fantasy Here, There Be Dragons (and its sequels). James is quite someone to know. I'd say "He's quite the character", except that that usually implies something a bit more wacky/eccentric than he is. No, he is exceptional, unusual, intelligent - and a very good friend to have. He has also gone through a fair share of trials to get where he is today. When he talks of those trials, he becomes downright inspirational.

One of the truisms he has come to, after working through his trials, has been boiled down to a simple but challenging sentence. "Never sacrifice what you want the most, for what you want the most right now."

The changes I mentioned back in April involved leaving my job of many years, at Jeopardy! It's something I'd been wanting to do for some time. My position got economically downsized, and I got a severance package. Which was very nice. These last months I have really enjoyed being out from under the stress of the daily demands of the job. I've had the opportunity to work on my own projects. Now, I have flaked off on doing that very diligently, but even so, my time has been my own.

In the course of that, I have learned that I really DO want to be making my living from my own creative work. I don't really want to go back to working a schedule for someone else's ends.

But the reality check is coming due, as my funds are dwindling. I need to find more income.

I was praying about this recently, anxious about the future. And the point that James makes with his dictum came home to me. Because I'd started out praying about "finding a new job". But since this time I was making space to listen to what God might have to say, I realized He had put the question before me of whether or not it was a new job I wanted. And the honest answer was "No." What I wanted was sufficient income to continue on, working on my writing, and keeping my current apartment, with groceries and some spending money. Not megabucks.

It was interesting to realize the answer was I wanted income. We so often think that "regular job" is the default for achieving that. Now, it's possible that that will indeed be the means I gain new income. But it helps to know that "job" isn't "what I want".

It took me forward to the bolder proposition of asking God about it. For He does want us to be honest about what we really want, not what we're willing to settle for or accept. And then we have to trust that God will provide.

It is a challenge, of course. I know that God has plans for me. Heck, I even have the verses from Jeremiah on my keychain to remind me of that. I just have to figure out what I'm supposed to do to move forward. I can't sit on my hands and do nothing. But I do know that God does not necessarily act in the channels we think we will be following.

Day by day. And remembering what it is that I want most. Then leaving it in God's hands.